Autism, ADHD, and PDA

In this section, you'll find educational information about Autism, ADHD, and PDA. The information will be simplified and easy to understand while remaining accurate, with references and a little personality.

There is no expectation to read it all at once or at all. I hope to bring understanding to topics that have, at times, been misunderstood or viewed through a negative lens.

I understand that some of the concepts and language around them can be confronting, intimidating, and just downright confusing. I hope this helps bridge the gap between the terminology and what it may mean in everyday life.

What is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)?

What is Autism? How might this affect someone? Is it all bad?

This information is for educational purposes only. For diagnostic questions or related health concerns, please consult a qualified health professional.

What is it?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder. People with this condition may have symptoms including but not limited to:

  • Differences or difficulties in social communication

  • Inflexibility in how they behave or do things

  • Sensitivity to some sensations - sound, touch, light

  • Some people might display self-stimulatory behaviour (stimming) - hand flapping, rocking, skin picking, or something more subtle.

Adapted from the American Psychiatric Association - https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/autism/what-is-autism-spectrum-disorder

How might this affect someone?

Unfortunately, many autistic people face adversity. School, the workplace, and sometimes home can present additional challenges.

For some, difficulties with independence may affect their ability to maintain employment, live on their own, or attend school in the same way as their peers. These challenges can contribute to isolation or exclusion.

Let's look out for our people.

Inspired by the Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/autism-spectrum-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352928

Is it all bad?

Just like ADHD, Autism can come with its own set of strengths that may be unique to each person. These might include seeing details others miss, a strong memory for certain information, pattern recognition, and lateral thinking (thinking outside the box).

However, these potential strengths don't remove or change the daily struggles that some autistic people experience. A person can face significant difficulties and still have exceptional strengths, achieving things that some of us could only dream of.

This isn't about minimising the challenges of Autism, but rather recognising that where there may be great difficulty, there can also be greatness!

Inspired by Embrace Autism - https://embrace-autism.com/autism-strengths-and-challenges/

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADHD

What is ADHD? Is it all bad? Things to help just because!

This information is for educational purposes only. For diagnostic questions or related health concerns, please consult a qualified health professional.

ADHD is known to be a common mental disorder among many children. It can be characterised by difficulty maintain focus, poor impulse control, hyperactivity, and other symptoms.

Children with this condition are likely to experience symptoms well into adulthood, and for many, throughout their lives. ADHD is not exclusive to children. A 2024 study estimated that 6% of U.S. adults have an ADHD diagnosis

Adapted from the American Psyciatric Association

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/adhd/what-is-adhd

It's not all just poor impulse control and climbing walls, though. People with ADHD sometimes experience and do things in ways that might be surprising to others. Things like creativity, problem-solving skills, innovation (I know this one all too well...), developing resilience, and much more! These strengths don't invalidate the struggles and hardships; rather, they may provide some balance for some people.

As someone with ADHD, finding a way to work with your brain, not against it, can be really hard — but if or when you can figure out what your strengths and interests are, the world is full of possibility! No one said you can't — it just might take some out-of-the-box thinking!

Inspired by Make Lemonade Psychology

https://makelemonade.com.au/blog/the-positives-of-adhd-and-embracing-your-strengths/

Well, what do we do now? ADHD is not one-size-fits-all. What works for some may not work for others and that is okay!

Here are two tidbits I found that might help with some life stuff for you, someone you know, or even if you don't have ADHD - just because.

  1. Notice what and how something happened, not just the final product.

    Recognising your own effort, or letting someone else know you've noticed theirs, can sometimes mean more than a simple ‘good job’. For a young child, knowing someone has noticed that they kept trying even if they didn't finish can help build resilience and confidence.

  1. Set expectations that are within reach

    Would you ask an adult to drink out of a non-spill sippy cup if they dropped their glass? No, that just seems absurd and a little over the top. We shouldn't set expectations for ourselves or loved ones we aren't sure they can meet. Allowing someone to be challenged is different from allowing someone to feel defeated. If you notice that you or your person are struggling with something, evaluate and adjust where possible.

    It's okay.

Inspired by elysium psychology

https://www.elysiumpsychology.com.au/blog/supporting-children-with-adhd/

Pathological Demand Avoidance / Pervasive Drive for Autonomy

This is for educational purposes only - for diagnosis or related health concerns please see a trained medical professional

Let's first understand what these two terms mean. Let's start with Pathological Demand Avoidance. This is a term I am familiar with and a profile I have some experience with (although experience with one person is still experience with only one person!). It can be observed as "a pattern of behavior in which kids go to extremes to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand" (Miller, 2026). In simpler terms, a child might become distressed or unwilling when a task or request is presented as a demand.

For some, the use of Pervasive Drive for Autonomy might feel more familiar. To me, both terms describe similar experiences, but the wording changes how we might interpret them (This is not a factual claim. It is my interpretation, rather than an established finding). "Demand Avoidance" could lead to negative connotations shifting the focus from positive support practices to discipline-style intervention. By contrast, "Drive for Autonomy" seems to shift the focus to a positive support approach intending to respond without punishment.

Attributed to Caroline Miller, Child Mind Institute, 2026: https://childmind.org/article/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-kids/

Adapted from Neurodiversity Centre, Dr Ben Truter (Clinical Psychologist), n.d.: https://neurodiversitycentre.co.za/pathological-demand-avoidance-2/

This might be a good time to hit the white "Breathe" button. PDA in any wording can be very difficult for the person who lives with it and the person helping them navigate that. For some, the demand isn't only or always external; it might sometimes be internal (Truter, n.d.). That can make understanding more difficult.

From my experience and research, I have come to the understanding that the person experiencing PDA may not be defiant or 'naughty' (Miller, 2026). They may be struggling to discern the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat. Once I learned this about my child and started to understand the profile itself, so many things made so much more sense.

Often, simple everyday tasks seemed impossible. Before I understood PDA, I thought they weren't listening, were unwilling, or were simply being defiant. I now think I better understand how some reactions might involve the body's fight, flight or freeze response (Kozlowska et al., 2015). What I've learned helps me notice and respond more effectively. My child's outward presentation may not reflect the inward dilemma — putting on shoes might feel as threatening as being chased by a dinosaur.

Caroline Miller, Child Mind Institute, 2026: https://childmind.org/article/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-kids/

Neurodiversity Centre, Dr Ben Truter (Clinical Psychologist), n.d.: https://neurodiversitycentre.co.za/pathological-demand-avoidance-2/

Kozlowska, K., Walker, P., McLean, L., & Carrive, P. (2015). Fear and the defense cascade: Clinical implications and management. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 23(4), 263–287: https://doi.org/10.1097/HRP.0000000000000065

From me to you.

PDA is HARD. It can be exhausting to navigate, especially on a daily basis — for the person living with it and the person supporting them.

I see you. I hear you. I get you.

No two people, homes, or lives are the same, so I won't say that I understand how it feels for you. But I will say this: Whether you're living with PDA or supporting someone who is, it's okay to take a break, eat, have a drink, and say "no". We are people, no matter what, and that won't change — label or not.

As parents, carers, teachers, support providers, therapists, clinicians, and more, we are allowed to rest and take care of ourselves. For me, that's research, writing my book (I just started — watch the resources tab), and learning new skills that might be useful later during university. For someone else, it might be going to the toilet alone, getting 3 bites into their food uninterrupted, or a full night's sleep.

Whatever caring for YOU looks like, it certainly shouldn't come with guilt. Besides, if we aren't at our best for ourselves, how can we be at our best for our person?

I'm going to leave it here — but remember that it's okay for a bad day to be a bad day. Bad days don't erase the good ones. It's okay to have a good day, too; it doesn't make the bad days worse. 🌸